You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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