oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
