If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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