Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize