god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
