ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's official drugs can't kill me
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
