Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
