So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
