Your tits are I can't wait for
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
