final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
