Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
