I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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