You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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