I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
