we have officially lost it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
