I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
