Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize