He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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