On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Send help, water and tortillas.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
