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Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is the high leading the old right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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