Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.