I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up