Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...

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  (412): And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas... http://tfl.nu/n2co
  Replies (1) Good night (654) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'

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  (917): apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money' http://tfl.nu/vf8t
  Replies (4) Good night (1985) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.

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  (619): Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular. http://tfl.nu/9sri
  Replies (36) Good night (3740) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.

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  (608): I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay. http://tfl.nu/ttff
  Replies (4) Good night (671) Bad night (2162) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?

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  (703): I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans? http://tfl.nu/gwsp
  Replies (19) Good night (3851) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex

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  (712): I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex http://tfl.nu/ubpb
  Replies (20) Good night (3482) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,

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  (973): I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry, http://tfl.nu/9gek
  Replies (28) Good night (6071) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake

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  (443): His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake http://tfl.nu/rol0
  Replies (46) Good night (7161) Bad night (1392) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit

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  (515): Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit http://tfl.nu/4m5n
  Replies (4) Good night (626) Bad night (2145) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.

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  (253): He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy. http://tfl.nu/b383
  Replies (11) Good night (2171) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".

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  (803): No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional". http://tfl.nu/sdb0
  Replies (3) Good night (1025) Bad night (472)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.

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  (410): Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea. http://tfl.nu/1cgp
  Replies (4) Good night (582) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Was I asleep on the ride home?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.

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  (512): Was I asleep on the ride home? (1-512): Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face. http://tfl.nu/zq2f
  Replies (4) Good night (588) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
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  (424): View more from California

  Update: I may or may not be in a cult

  (424): View more from California

  Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult

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  (424): Update: I may or may not be in a cult (424): Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult http://tfl.nu/yyf4
  Replies (9) Good night (1322) Bad night (194)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.

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  (801): Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment. http://tfl.nu/y6m4
  Replies (16) Good night (607) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt

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