im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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