i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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