I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
