Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
PANTIES FOUND
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
