I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
