I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize