I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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