bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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