The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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