I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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