hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
