If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
