mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
