I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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