I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
