last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
