youre lurking in front of me
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
