1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
