this beer tastes like vomit already
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
