i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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