just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
