if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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