I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
