Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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