I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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