You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
