my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
