oh god the rape fog is back!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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