have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
