omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
