Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
