I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
