and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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