so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
