At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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