Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
