I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
