just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize