haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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