You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
