You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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